I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
