Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
