I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
