I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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