Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
