there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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