I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize