Yo dont text me then not text me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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