my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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