I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
