When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
