The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
