I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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