just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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