dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
