I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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