Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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