he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
