Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
