Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
