I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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