just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
