Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
