hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
