You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
