Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
