im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
