I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
