Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
