You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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