I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
