How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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