as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
