Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
