Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
