Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
