I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
