You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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