Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
