obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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