I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
