I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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