Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it's like iHOP with fire
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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