Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone signed my nipple.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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