He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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