You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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