totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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