Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
