i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
