Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
