enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
