One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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