I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
