i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
