oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
