I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
