I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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