how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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