just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
