Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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