I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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