1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We're too hungover to prance.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
