Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
