i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
