You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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