her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
