just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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