My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
