every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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