Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Its about making memories worth repressing
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
