Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
