she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sobbing to NWA
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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