no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
