I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
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An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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