I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
