haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
