I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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