something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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