New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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