Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
