Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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